The Weather Sucks - Reminded Me Of You

To those of you who live in temperate or tropical climates and are basking in the 80's and 90's...

THE WEATHER HERE SUCKS AND IT REMINDED ME OF YOU!!

(I hope you get hit by a hurricane!)

To those of you who love snowmen and fluffy white flakes and crisp winter air...

THE WEATHER HERE SUCKS AND IT REMINDED ME OF YOU!!

(I hope you frostbite your toes!)

To those of you who pack up all your shit and head south for the winter to avoid the cold...

THE WEATHER HERE SUCKS AND IT REMINDED ME OF YOU!!

(Should have left sooner jackass!)

To those of you who know how to cook all the comfort foods I crave on chilly days...

THE WEATHER HERE SUCKS AND IT REMINDED ME OF YOU!!

(Can I please have the recipes?)

To those of you in Nebraska who got a shit ton of snow on Saturday...

NOW THAT KIND OF WEATHER SUCKS ASS... REMINDED ME OF YOU!!

(Granny excluded)

To those of you in Nebraska who didn't get a shit ton of snow on Saturday...

THE WEATHER WAS STILL COLD AND SUCKED MAJOR ASS... REMINDED ME OF YOU!!

(I hope your balls freeze to your chin while you're trying to pull your heads out of your asses!)

To those of you who really have no idea why that last comment was so horrific...

THE WEATHER HERE SUCKS AND IT REMINDED ME OF MY FAMILY!!

(If they get a really cold winter, they might be grateful when they die and go to HELL!)

To those of you who simply cannot understand this kind of resentment...

THE WEATHER HERE SUCKS AND SO DOES MY ATTITUDE!!

(I'm projecting my disapproval onto people who deserve it so those I love can survive being trapped in the house with me!)

To those of you who can remain chipper and positive whether the temperature is 104 or 40 below...

THE WEATHER HERE SUCKS AND IT REMINDED ME OF YOU!!

(Your emotional sunshine doesn't mean crap to me... give me REAL WARM SUNSHINE!)

To those of you who read this and got a chuckle out of it...

IT'S FREEZING OUTSIDE, BUT THE ROSES ARE STILL BLOOMING...

(AND THAT REMINDED ME OF YOU!!)

Awwwww... ain't I just sweet as sugar?!?!  hehe

I Don't Mind Drowning If Nothing's Going To Eat Me!!

It should be known that The Princess cannot swim.  It's not that my arms and legs can't coordinate into the necessary movements for aquatic manuevers.  I fully understand the physics of swimming and how to transmit this equations to my muscles in a graceful manner.  There are two major things that inhibit my ability to perform in an underwater setting.

The first obstacle is the fact that I am blind as a bat.  I don't mean that metaphorically.  I am quite literally blind to the point of serious visual impairment.  I don't mean "I have trouble reading" or "I need my glasses to drive" type of blind.  I mean I need glasses to find my glasses if they aren't where I put them.  I mean that I can literally walk into walls without optical assistance.  Still unclear?  For those of you who are visual learners...

This is the Snellen Eye Chart with which most people are familiar...

This is the Snellen Eye Chart as I see it...

That my friends is no exageration.  I actually took my glasses off for comparison and adjusted the focus until I had a match.  So as you can imagine, swimming becomes quite an interesting feat when you see the world through my eyes. 

For example... where is the safest part of the pool?

If you guesses the edge... you LIVED!!

Staying near the edge of the pool also negates the need to swim in the first place. 

So as I was saying, blind people cannot swim!

The second reason that aquatic gymnastics is beyond my comprehension is based on the physics of nasal passageways.  While you, the double-jointed ear-wiggling FREAK, might be able to prevent water from entering your nostrils by slowly exhaling bubbles... I CANNOT!  This is simply not an art that I can master for more than .025 seconds.  Thus, on many the occasion, I have been horrified by the burning sensation of chlorine infested (not to mention whatever else) H2O as it fries the inner linings of my mucus membranes.

THIS... my dear reader is what brings me to the REAL (as opposed to ADHD induce ramblings) REASON for this post!

I never liked the idea of shooting saline up your nose.  The simple thought of it sent cringing sensations through my nostrils as flashbacks to the high dive danced in my head!  OMG!?!?!  Why would you intentionally try to drown yourself?

Unfortunately, I was also born with sinus tubes as thin as a hair and therefore at the first sign of a mild cold, I am destined to be blessed with a sinus infection.  Last night, as the makings of a cold built in my head, I caved.  A phone call to Prince Charming asked for cold tablets and nasal saline.   What the hell... I'm gonna drown in nasty infected mucus... why not try saline first!

Dear Doctor,

I would appreciate it if you could install a tube into my sinuses that provides a constant drip of saline!!  I don't mind it leaking out my nose or the tubes that will be sticking out of my head.  I have never felt 2 minutes of such soothing nose love.  If you find me dead on my bathroom floor and the doctors are baffled by signs of drowning... just know if felt soooo damn good!

Sincerely,

A Very Congested Princess

Now excuse me while I go drown myself again!

Because She Gave Birth To Me I Guess...

Well... that is debatable.  She has this horror story of x amount of hours in labor and a broken tailbone... and I tend to believe her because we look, talk, and act alike... but then again, there's always that O+/O- issue.  But for the sake of arguement we'll say I believe her.

That being said... do you realize I've made a million awesome blog designs and never done one for The Queen's site?  That's just ridiculous!

So with that in mind... here's a preview of the new head & foot of The Queen's blog-palace.  Let me know what you think... not that it really matters because we know The Queen will either love or hate it and won't care what we say about it.  (feel free to tell her she's spoiled rotten... and while you're at it... remind her she owes me for an 8 hour day because that's what it took!)  hehe... I'll just tack it on to her next phone bill and tell her she must have roamed or something... she'll deny it, but I'll just accuse her of having some sordid fling behind all our backs and she'll get pissed and storm off :)

But for real... gotta love my Mom... she ROCKS!!  So here's her design!

(click pictures for full size)

*header*

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(bitching about something)

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(more bitching)

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(flipping someone off)

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(cussing some jackass)

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*footer*

LOVE YOU MOM!!!

Handmade Christmas (UPDATED!!!)

I've gone on a new craft endeavor... (it's the ADHD)

I'm making SOAP!!

And I love it...

Don't give me too much credit though, I haven't gotten brave enough to attempt any of that LYE (aka fry the germs from your skin) soap!  Right now... I'm just playing around with Melt and Pour glycerin soaps.

Prince Charming thinks I should sell them.  But I really want to practice a bit more before I tackle that great endeavor.  First impressions do matter you know.

So I'm off searching various cool recipes for soaps and bath stuff.  Maybe in the near future you'll see the fruits of my labor!

Wish me luck and let me know what you're favorite bath scents are... Maybe I'll do some "Freebies for Feedback!"

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And with the first comment I'm officially pulling the drapes on my second floor windows before I go to bed tonight.  You know, I'm okay with blog stalkers... I LOVE MY READERS!!  I'm even semi okay with real life stalkers... as long as you're the "I really want to hang out because you're cool" type... as opposed to the I'm obsessed with killing you type!

HOWEVER... Granny Nanny has overstepped her bounds.  I will in no way tolerate the telepathic stalking of my olfactory glands!  GET OUT OF MY NOSE!!!  This is simply unacceptable behavior... even in the F'ed up realms of Princess Blogland!!

For those of you wondering what in the Cabage Patch Dolls I'm talking about... Granny's comment stated,

"Soft Lavender is so relaxing for a soak in the tub, but not sure I would like that for a shower..... Lilac is pretty good though!" -- Granny Nanny

On a budget I could only afford a couple of scents... two to be exact.

Can you read that?  Yeah... Lavendar and Lilac!

GET OUT OF MY NOSE!!

Since Granny is telepathically tapping into my fine sense of scents (notice the wonderful use of homonyms?)... I think I'll buy noseplugs!

And dobermans... more dragons... a very high barbed wire fence... a deeper moat... and a sorceror to block the evil telepathic juju!!

Not that I don't like Granny... I just don't really want her to live in my nose.  It's hard enough keeping those sinuses clear through the winter without some creep trying to hijack my aromatic delicacies!!  GEEZE!!

So with that... Granny has to get a Stalker award... though I think using telepathic powers is cheating even by stalking standards!  Nonetheless... Granny gets the prize!

Instructions to Add:

1) Customize

2) Add Gadget

3) Add Picture

4) From the web

5) Insert this address:

http://picasion.com/pic13/86cd00dd225739ffd585af2156be4154.gif

6) Save

CONGRATULATIONS!!

Now I think I'll go blow my nose a couple times!!

Mr. C's Ghost? (Update)

Okay... I'm not saying I believe this stuff... I mean, I can lay out in my grass and imagine up some pretty detailed pictures just staring at the clouds.  I've seen the pictures of Jesus in the nebula and Mary on the side of the building.  I'm logical enough to know that the imagination is an amazing thing and should never be allowed to cross the street alone!  I mean seriously, a picture of a friend of mine showed a perfect monkey face reflecting in her car window.  Do I think she had a monkey ghost?  Hell no... it was just a coincidence created by the pattern in the reflection of the trees.

But all my debunking aside... I must admit I saw nothing paranormal in the photo Mr. C took (aside from the glow worm itself).  But leave it to The Queen to freak us all out!!  She saw a face!!  And she posted about it.

So I pulled up another website of the mansion to look for some history.  And what I found was pictures... of the original owners.

Charles Ely And his wife Eugenia Smith

Now for a little paint.net magic and some animation to creep you out.

The Original Photograph

A Brightened and Lightened Version

Zoomed into the upper left corner where The Queen claims to have seen the ghost face.

And...

...

add some animation to freak you out!!

Yeah... now you decide if it's just a trick of an overactive imagination (I know I have one) or whether Mr. C took a ghost picture??????

Mr.C and the Haunted House

So Mr. C visited a haunted house... and The Queen had to share it with me because she thought I'd be all drooling over the house.  Hahaha... all I see is business ops... perfect whore house... nice secret places for my future drug cartel... yeah... I get lost in my house, what would I do in one that big?  And with that many rooms, I'd never know which one to meet Prince Charming in for our "secret" rendeavous!  By the time we found each other the Ogre Child would be awake and the opportunity would be lost.  However... I did drool over the gorgeousness of the place.  Maybe after P.C. is dead and gone and I'm a rich widow (or at least a hot widow looking for a rich sugar Daddy!) I'll think about something that big and extravegant.  But for now, I'm still satisfied with my 100 year old mini-mansion.

Not the point though.  The point is that Mr. C got a pic of... well... of something!

"The secret room is where I took this picture, and it was pitch black inside. Look what the fuck came out. I don't know what that shit is but it freaked me out. I have not edited that picture one bit. No light in that room, and no flash." -- Mr. C.

No idea what it is... this is the untouched photo taken in a pitch black room.

So curiousity got the better of me... and while I had some concerns over what I might find if I started adjusting this picture (I wouldn't put it past Mr. C to try and take some obscene pictures and forget about them!) I decided to take the risk.

Here's what I discovered after adjusting the lighting.

Now only Mr. C. can tell us if there's really anything in this picture as he was there and we only got the sordid erotic dream version.  But I frankly still think this is a creepy photo.  Unlike The Queen, I am not fond of ghosties.  I'm okay with them being here, but if they insist on scaring the crap out of me, I'll be breaking out the herbals and exorcising them to the neighbor's house.

So go over and check out the awesome house Mr. C. stumbled upon... and then tell us what you see in the creepy "glow worm" picture!