Wednesday, January 13, 2010

My next 30 years!!

That's right...
you missed it!
I turned 22 on Monday
with 8 years experience

The Queen keeps blabbing about what a big fat liar I am,
but I've got the picture to prove it.

Now you tell me? 
Does that look like a 30-year-old? 
Didn't think so. 
Mom was never much good at math.

Anyway... that's my story
and since she can't find anything in her house I know there's no way for her to produce a copy of my birth certificate.

So what, you may ask, did I do for this momentous occasion?

I dropped the Ogre Child off with her "Aunt" Brenda and went out for a night with Prince Charming.

I know you are dying to hear about the drunken endeavors as we bar-hopped through Aggiville.

Unfortunately, due to my birthday present I was unable to drink alcohol...




So for those of you who don't already know...




I have some big news to announce...




I'm sure you'll all be as excited as I am...




That's right!!!





ubi dubium ibi libertas
"Where there is doubt there is freedom."

And in case you're scratching your head as to why I chose this phrase...

I was raised to question everything. 
Never be afraid to question something. 
Doubt creates freedom of thought. 
When you cease to doubt, you become a slave to the ideas of someone else.

"Believe nothing,
no matter where you read it,
or who said it,
no matter if I have said it,
unless it agrees with your own reason
and your own common sense."
-- Buddha

Note: For those of you who really want to know what it feels like...
This summer go out and get a sunburn.  One of those that you don't know you have until you scrape something across it and scream.  Now come inside and find a hardwood pencil.  Break the lead off so the sharp wood is all that is left at the tip.  Hand the broken pencil to your child and tell them to draw a picture on your sunburn.  No... it is NOT a pleasant feeling unless you are some sick masocistic freak... however, it is brief and bearable.  I'll definately be getting another one as soon as the checking account stops having siezures.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

100 Things to be Thankful For (61-70)

61.  I am thankful that our roommates' daughter has not eaten our Christmas tree, the nativity, or the wallpaper!

62.  I am grateful I was able to take The Queen out for her birthday for a "fancy" dinner and she loved it.

63.  I am blessed to have friends that make and unbearable job nearly tolerable.

64.  I am thankful that we never sold our extra vehicle for the extra cash because we've learned just how much we need it.

65.  I am grateful that (even if I dislike her) my MIL came to babysit when we really needed her to.  (And as far as I can tell, all the pornos and drug paraphenelia were hidden safely away).

66.  I am blessed the Prince Charming never batted an eyelash when I gave him the following ultimatum: "I realize it is our year to go to Kansas City for Christmas Day, but that will SOOOOO not be happening.  This is our first year in our new house and the first Christmas after Dad's passing.  WE WILL SPEND IT AT HOME TOGETHER!"

67.  I am grateful that he is sweet and understanding enough that he is okay that I will be inviting a stranger to Christmas dinner at our house because her family just moved to New York and I was raised that NO ONE SPENDS THE HOLIDAYS ALONE!

68.  I am thankful for a great friend whom I trust with my child, my husband, and my home.  And one who trusts me enough to let me swat her kids butt the same as I do my own.

69.  I am blessed to have very old friends who can still make me laugh, lend a shoulder, or shoot the shit with me.

70.  I am thankful for facebook.  This might seem like a very frivilous blessing, but I truly am thankful for it.  Even with email, cell phones, texting etc. facebook is still the #1 reason I know what is happening in the lives of my family and old friends.  Now if I could just covince the big sister that it really is worth it to figure it out, I'd know every move of everyone I love :)

Thursday, November 26, 2009

100 Things to be Thankful For (51-60)

51) I am grateful for peek-a-boo, hide-n-seek, gimme a kiss and naptime... for these things keep my two-year-old alive.

52) I am grateful I have a wonderful man who can cook like Emeril!  Even if the portions are a bit too large!  (Honey, do you really think we need a 20 pound ham AND a 15 pound turkey for 3 adults and a toddler?)

53) I am blessed to live in a place where I feel  comfortable leaving my car unlocked with the keys in it.

54) Or that I can drive 30 miles to town for groceries and not freak out at mile 20 because I left the door unlocked!

55) I am thankful that I hung every holiday decoration (including Dad's ornaments) without that looming sorrow I half expected to have.

56) I am grateful that lightening did not strike me dead for putting up my nativity in a house full of heretics!

57) I am thankful for tums (I'm sure I'll need them later)

58) I am blessed to have sat down today for our first family dinner in our new home.

59) I am thankful that despite our families loss, we have actually hung 2 extra stockings this year.

60) I am grateful that I have to work tomorrow and therefor have a totally legitimate reason for NOT getting up at the ass crack of dawn to stand in the cold for those "great deals".

Monday, November 16, 2009

100 Things to be Thankful For (41-50)

41)  I am thankful that I have not run out of things to be thankful for.

42) I am grateful that I have so many great memories with my family.

43)  I am blessed to have a packrat of a mother who has saved everything... thus giving even greater meaning to those memories.

44) I am thankful I have a house big enough to hold all my mother's packratting that she is going to unload on me.

45) I am grateful that I am an only child and don't have to share my mother's JUNK with anyone.

46) I am blessed to be able to provide my daughter with MOST of the things she's wants.

47)  I am grateful that I was able to have MOST of the things I wanted growing up because I know how hard my mother worked to make that possible.

48)  I am thankful that my soap opera is available online so I can keep updated on the fake lives of the fake characters that I've been following since I was a tween!

49)  I am grateful for a king size bed (though I might actually sleep uninterrupted if we had a double-deluxe-supreme-king sized bed)

50)  I am blessed to be able to go to bed tonight with a clear conscience and a great outlook on life.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

100 Things to be Thankful For (31-40)

31)  I am grateful for my mother, in all her quirky insanity.  She is the reason that I am everything that I am... though I hope I can keep a little bit more of my sanity with age.

32)  I am thankful for a mixed and tangled family.  It has taught me the value of holding onto what matters, as well as letting go of the things that don't.  It has taught me just how strongly blood can hold people together.  It has also taught me that no amount of blood can bind a family full of discontent.

33) I am blessed to have known a wide variety of people in my life and grateful that my parents never instilled judgement or discrimination in me.

34)  I am thankful for whomever invented the epidural.  I commend your strength and courage if you've done it naturally... however, I experienced 14 hours of petocin induced contractions with no progress.  I then went from 0 to Itsagirl-noshitweknewthat in 3 hours with an epidural... yes... I will commend the strength, but I will question your intellect!

35) I am blessed to have been pre-prego wieght within 1 week of delivery... again... be jealous!

36) I am thankful that most of you do not know my address and therefor cannot mail me 20 pound boxes of chocolates over Christmas to put my metabolism to the test.

37) I am grateful that I have enough self-restraint not to eat the ENTIRE cheesecake (I'll save a piece for the kid!)

38)  I am thankful that I don't have to show you naked pictures.  Let's just say the scale doesn't mean shit!  I might be skinny but I'm completely lacking in muscle, tone, or flablessness.

39)  I am blessed with the ability to argue intellectually.  To quote my BFF, this means "you can say 'go fuck yourself' using big words that leave the other person wondering if you really just said, 'go fuck yourself'."

40)  I am thankful that I'm almost 30 and still get carded in the tobacco store. (though 17 might be pushing it)


Saturday, November 14, 2009

100 Things to be Thankful For (21-30)

21) I am grateful that I live in a part of the country that has been least affected by the recession.

22) I am thankful for the job I have (even if I hate every day) because jobs are hard to come by these days.

23) I am blessed to have many talents and hope that I can someday find the time to put them to a more constructive (aka... profitable) use.

24) I am grateful for the men and women who defend our freedoms.  No matter what one's political views are on any war/conflict... a soldier puts his or her country and people before their own lives and that deserves to be honored.

25) I am thankful for the technology that allows me to keep in touch with those I care about and make new friends that I would otherwise never know.

26) I am blessed to have amazing moments in my life like "Good morning Mommy.  I LOOOVE you!!

27) I am grateful that I have loved as much as I have and grateful that I have been loved as much as I have... oh, get your mind out of the gutter you hoochies!

28) I am blessed with a sense of humor that entertains me greatly (even if the rest of you don't get it)

29) I am thankful for the fact that I am unashamed at how I live my life.  Something I probably inheritted from The Queen.

30)  I am blessed with an unabashed honesty.  This means that those who love me do so knowing the real me.  And those who hate me probably have good reason.  And once you've made up your mind it probably won't ever change because I don't keep secrets about myself or how I feel about you.

Friday, November 13, 2009

100 Things to be Thankful For (11-20)

11)  I am thankful to have siblings who I can share the good and bad with and yet never have to share my parents with :)

12)  I am grateful that I can eat half a turkey and never gain a pound (*be jealous*)

13)  I am blessed to have people (even strangers) who love me as much (if not more) than family.

14)  I am thankful that I grew up poor enough to know how to make a dollar stretch, but not so poor that I noticed.

15)  I am grateful that I have passed on good looks and good manners to my daughter (hopefully that will make up for her screwed up genetics).

16)  I am blessed to have had a colorful life and a mother who taught me when life hands you lemons, use them to garnish your cocktails!

17)  I am grateful that my parents did not allow their religious beliefs to cloud my mind.  While I have nothing against any religion (except Christian Science... even then, only when children are involved) I am grateful that I was able to form my own beliefs... and very very grateful that I'm not confined to 1800 attire and the belief that we came from outer space (though it's fine by me if you like that lifestyle).

18)  I am grateful for the mistakes I made in my life.  Each has made me stronger, wiser, or in the very least... given me something to blog about.

19)  I am thankful that I have in-laws that either a) I love to death... or b) I never have to see!

20)  I am thankful for the "luxury" of owning 4 vehicles free and clear... even if they are old and could croak at any moment.


BEWARE OF DRAGON: She is poorly fed and often tormented. Chances are you looked tasty from the minute you set foot on the blog. Keep your distance and do not provoke her. The Princess refuses to be held responsible for the consequences of your own stupidity. Dragons have sharp teeth and you taste good with ketchup!!